A woman’s silence can cut deep, especially if she does it for the right reasons and at the right time. Even these men who take you for granted are frozen by the powerful effects of a woman’s silence.

This works for powerful reasons, and it’s hardwired into us. In this article, I will explain why men need your validation, why your silence hurts them, and when you should do it to maximize its effect so they realize how much of an idiot he is.

Men Are Hardwired To Solve Problems

I constantly preach to my clients that the jobs of all organisms are to survive and find a mate. Essentially, it is to keep the gene pool alive and flowing. This is a great start to why people want to solve problems: We are made to avoid pain and seek pleasure.

Men have an innate drive to fix things. From an evolutionary standpoint, solving problems proved their value and ensured the survival of their tribe. Whether building shelter, hunting, or protecting their community, a man’s ability to address challenges head-on directly impacted his status and attractiveness as a mate.

Men know women highly value this as women are looking for the best and most qualified man to mate with.

Men Need IOIs Because They’re The Offerers

Here is the thing: If you don’t give a man IOIs (Indicators Of Interest), how does he know the following:

• Where he stands with you

• What you’re thinking

• What to do next

• The amount of power he has

• Your next move

Listen, I know what you’re thinking, “Okay, Elliot, the problem is it seems he doesn’t give a damn what I do because he’s the one pulling away.”

I hear you.

But the thing with that is men have two levels of thinking when it comes to pulling away and playing this game. You want the man to get to the second level.

The first level is when you both play this “game” of pulling away, silence, no contact, or whatever it is, he knows he still has you. he knows this through context (the things you two do and say over time that build the relationship). Context includes:

• Saying you’re exclusive

• Only talking to him

• Having sex

• Talking for a while

• Giving him chances he doesn’t deserve

• Letting him get away with crap

• Letting him come back in after leaving before

• Meeting friends/family

• Future talk

• Fast pacing

• And many more things

That is why it is so important for a woman to reach the second level, convincing him that she’s done.

It takes time to do this. You’re talking to a guy who sees he has you (or believes that anyway). So you have to show him the “evidence” that’s not the case.

Evidence is all those contextual variables that made him believe, “Yeah, she’s not going anywhere. With enough of those, he will have an accurate narrative:

We must follow through with no contact, remain silent, and let him realize he’s wrong in how things unfold even if that means losing him.

The Start Of Regret

The first step in making a man regret losing you is for him to lose you.

The problem so many women have is outcome dependency. You do the right things such as no contact and the silent treatment but you do it for the wrong reasons. You do it to get him to return. As soon as a man finds this out, you’re out.

That doesn’t mean it’s not a good reason to be silent. I understand you care for the guy and want him back. But he cannot know that. If he does he knows you’re playing a game and will play it back better because you’re attached to the outcome. He’s going to dangle that in front of you and it’s going to get ugly.

Instead, be silent and let a man do his thing. Remain silent. When he returns, let him blow your phone up a bit. He needs to realize there is as consequence to his actions and that may take a while.

I talk about it in this video. I mentioned four stages a man goes through before regretting things. That can take anyone form one to three months on average, sometimes up to six.

By the way, if you’d love to have a one hour session with me, a dating coach, about your situation, click here. I’d love to work with you.

How To Correctly Be Silent

This is hard but the most important things are these two ingredients:

• Communicating your needs first and then being silent.

• Following through and knowing when you can say something.

I have a rule of thumb: Never resort to playing games initially. Don’t be passive-aggressive. Men can’t read your mind. Don’t pull back because he’s pulling back. Say something. Voice your concern.

If he’s acting different, say something. If he changes, great! If he changes for a bit and then reverts back to the same bullshit, repeat something.

It will get to a point where you’re thinking, “I gave this guy two chances. He said he was going to change and didn’t.” At this point, it’s a huge sign of disrespect.

I want silence to be the last thing you try. I want you to do YOUR part and try to make it work. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Just your part. That means:

• Calling it out without putting blame or being aggressive

• Helping come up with a solution

• Thanking him for the change

It’s when he doesn’t meet you half way that we have a problem.

The reason I want silence to be the last thing you do is the following:

• I want you to have the “higher ground” when he returns. That means you can confidently say you tried to make it work and gave him multiple chances. You were nothing but direct, kind, and attentive.

• I don’t want you to cave when he returns. If you cave, he wins.

Which leads us to the next thing: When do you give him another shot?

In my opinion, you shouldn't. I have been doing this long enough where I know people don’t change. But I know that’s not what you want to hear. So here it is:

He has to be blowing up your phone and begging. We ARE NOT caving into weak as text like:

• Hey

• What’s up

• How are you

• Why you being like this?

• I miss you

Or any of those bland texts. It’s only when he starts talking serious and sending meaningful text saying he messed up, wants to try again, and explains himself that we may be willing to listen.

It doesn’t stop there though.

ONLY take him back under these conditions:

• He apologizes

• He admits what he did wrong and understands how it hurt/bothered you

• He won’t do it again

• You guys are in a relationship (this the most important one). Do NOT take him back if you’re not official. Trust me. I don’t care if you only dated a month. If you fall for the “let’s see where it goes,” you’re about to get played.

Ladies, that sums it all up. If you’re interested in getting a ONE-HOUR private session with me about your situation where he can dive deep and break everything down, click here. I’d love to work with you.