The Ultimate Guide To Emotionally Unavailable Men

Emotionally unavailable men are rampant in the modern dating scene. There is no way you’re going on dates or the apps and haven’t run into your fair share of men who change their minds and behavior overnight. This is one of women’s biggest time wasters and because of this, I will break down everything you need to know about EU men and the best course of action to avoid them and save yourself some time!

In Today’s Email:

• The 4 types of men you will be dating: There are 4 men on a spectrum of great to… not-so-great.

• Unavailable Mindset: How Emotionally Unavailable Men think and get in their heads.

• The 100% Accurate Signs: We go over the tell-tale signs that you’re man isn’t ready.

• Frequently Asked Questions: We talk about if he can change, can you change him, what’s the best thing to do, etc.

4 Types Of Men You’re Going To Date

I am going to keep this short and simple. I will go over the 4 types of men you’re going to date and, the characteristics about each of them so you can get a glimpse of what you’re dating, and what to watch out for.

💪 The Secure Man - 5% of the dating population

This is a rare man. He’s high value, highly sought after, and very an overall good guy. He’s not secure just in himself. He’s secure on what he can offer, his emotional availability, and takes control of the situations.

Characteristics:

• Emotionally available

• Consistent and good with communication so much that he will never leave you guessing. He’s good at explaining things and keeps you up to date.

• Doesn’t play games. He tells you exactly what he’s looking for and doesn’t want time. He values you and his time.

• These dudes are so nice that if you two didn’t work out or broke up and you messaged him wanting to talk and needed closure, he’d call you to help you get over him and the situation you two had lol.

• Moves at a healthy pace but takes lead.

😊 The Normie- 50% of the dating population

This is the typical normal human being who doesn’t have much baggage if any. This is the type of guy whom you can see on both sides of the spectrum of leaning towards secure and EU but for the most part, he's stable. If he likes you and wants a relationship, you will be in a relationship. If he doesn't and wants FWB, he will be upfront and tell you. Yes, games are played but not to your detriment. More for fun playful banter along with building attraction (and avoiding risk). This is about 50% of men.

Characteristics:

• Pretty normal and middle-of-the-line with a lot of things

• Plays games but they’re more “power moves” such as

• Who is going to text who first

• Chasing

• Date initiation

• Creating mystery

• May talk to others

• (you get the idea)

For the most part, still goes at a pretty normal pace. It may be slower or sped up a tad bit but I think that’s based on interest.

Will try to be physical early but that’s okay. It doesn’t mean he’s looking to just hook up. Doesn’t mean you have to obviously. Your goal is to see how he acts AFTER you tell him no. If he’s still investing, he’s interested.

😰 The Emotionally Unavailable Man- 40% of the population

Yes, unfortunately, a good portion of the population is EU. Why is that? Well, there are several reasons:

For one, the population of EU slowly builds up over time because it’s hard to recognize in yourself that you’re EU and it’s hard to fix it.

They have to believe they’re actually EU. A lot of men justify the failed relationship by blaming the woman, the lack of interest, or “she wasn’t the one.”

It’s hard to fix when women stick around with these men thinking they can change them. If they’re not leaving him, why does he need to change?

It’s hard to fix when he’s still getting success with women. Okay, it didn’t work out with you but he still matching and dating others.

It can take months or years to fix. This adds up over time.

EU men navigate through the dating pool faster than healthy men. Think about it…healthy men should logically have longer relationships compared to EU men. So EU are still single and looking while the healthy man is playing his relationship out.

Lastly, not trying to blame women because it’s a man’s problem but when a man gets cheated on, heartbroken, or dumped, a lot of them don’t heal correctly and take it personally.

Here is a video on the topic if you’re interested.

EU men usually mean well and may even appear as the secure or normal type. But context is a huge factor to this man. Without context between you two, he will act one way because he doesn’t feel pressure or any obligations. But once it’s created (and it’s always created), this man gets in his head, freaks out, over-analyzes everything, and his behavior drastically changes. In the beginning, he means well but when his back is against the wall, he will start to gaslight and use tactics to turn it on you. He can like someone but the incapability to commit due to factors he creates in his head. We will talk more about these later on. This is 40% of men. Yes, I know that is a large number.

Characteristics:

• Usually moves fast and lovebombs. Not to manipulate you but more from insecurity and seeking validation.

• Is afraid of context. Meaning, once things gets serious, he starts to change his mind. This happens because of the first point. He lovebombs, doesn’t realize what he’s doing before it’s too late.

• Very sporadic and distant. This is due to being in his head

• A lack of progression in the relationship. You may have a good amount of dates but it’s not progressing towards a relationship.

The way the EU mind works is I truly believe he has good intentions. No man wants to admit he’s screwed up in the head and doesn’t deserve love. Especially if a girl he’s interested in is in front of him. The problem he has is once that context is created (the things you two do and say over time that create a serious vibe in the relationship), he gets in his head.

This illustration is a great example of how it looks in his head. The “start” and “finish” are the timeline of the relationship. In the beginning, it’s a blank canvas. It’s a guy who likes a girl so he’s going to go after what he wants. He doesn’t feel the pressure because there is no context created.

However, to get these assets from this woman, he has to invest his resources into her such as his:

⌛️ Time

⚡️ Energy

💪 Effort

💵 Money

This creates context along the timeline. Once it gets to the midpoint or about 4-6 weeks, you see a change in the guy hence the “?” He doesn’t know what to think now. He’s in his head and freaks out.

I have what I believe to be an accurate video on how EU men think. I can put it here:

But if you don’t want to watch it or already have, I can leave a shot of what was on the board.

Essentially, it’s hard to tell if you’re man is EU because he does a lot of the nice things the Secure and Normie do. The difference is the timeline. You start to see how he creates boundaries, and roadblocks, and can NOT continue for the following reasons:

Here are also 5 questions you need the answers to to help you figure out if he’s EU. These questions on top of everything else I am teaching you help me dramatically in figuring it out:

Is he newly single?

If yes, he’s probably not ready to jump into a relationship. He may be EU

When was his last relationship?

If it’s recent or a long time ago, that’s a huge red flag

Who dumped who?

While this doesn’t mean he’s EU, it’s a good question to ask for context purposes that go along with everything else we talk about in this article. If he dumped her, what was the REAL reason (besides the usual bs)? If she dumped him, how is he handling it? Is he over her?

Was he cheated on?

90% of the time, if he was, he’s EU.

What’s he looking for?

Of course, he can lie to you here. And the EU man will usually say he’s looking for something serious. But just like an officer who has to give certain information to someone they’re detaining for security measures and protection, you must do the same. At least you asked which frames the situation. Better than not asking and him now having a loophole and saying, “Well, we never discussed it and I am not looking for anything serious.”

These 5 questions are usually a good starting point good foundation to figuring out what’s happening and how it’s going to play out.

👿 The Scavenger-5% of the dating population

This dude is an evil MF if you ask me. Emotionally unavailable people CAN be this type of guy but this is the bottom of the barrel. Not only are they EU but because of it, they don’t value or respect you and are very selfish.

They also love to prey on women and their insecurities. That’s his game. They know when they have the power over someone and will use it. They love weak women because they’re easy to control.

Characteristics:

• Very one-sided relationship

• Has the balls to say remarks like, “You will never leave me,” “You’re not going anywhere.” or “You’ll be back.”

• They trap you through unconventional but powerful tactics such as gaslighting, manipulation, giving you lots of hope, being territorial, etc.

• Will literally not give a shit on how you feel about things. This guy leaves you on read and only comes around when he wants something

• You can definitely tell he thinks he has the power in the relationship

The best way to describe these men is as a narcissist.

You must be a strong woman. The scavenger gets his name from picking off weak women.

If you’re someone who keeps on attracting the same type of EU men who are pisses of shit and you have the following traits, you’re probably attracting Scavengers:

• You’re extremely nice

• You lower your value/barrier of entry to keep men around

• You give men chances who DO NOT deserve them

• You give people the benefit of the doubt

• You see the good in everyone

• You’re insecure

• You have very little dating experience

• You’re older and fear you’re going to be alone forever

• Not being in a relationship bothers you

Scavengers see this weakness and try to take advantage of it. They do this by portraying to be the missing puzzle piece - the answer to all your problems. And once they get you hooked, they change for the worse.

The best way to avoid these men is to be high-value, have boundaries, think logically and not with your heart, and see the signs that we are talking about in this entire article.

⁉️ Frequently Asked Questions

I want to round this out by answering common questions I get on the topic of EU men. Of course, I am just touching the surface here. If you want a personal breakdown of your situation, please get a session with me here, I’d love to break down your man and give you the best course of action.

Can you change his mind?

There is a chance but it’s rare. Rare to the point it’s not even worth it. However, I understand people want to take that chance. However, this is the reason men stay EU for so long. There is no reason to change if the woman doesn't give you a reason to. I am not saying it's your responsibility but you can't blame a guy who is EU and you want him to change but you're sticking around and giving him the benefits. Why would he do it if you're not going anywhere?

The best way to do it is the cliche No Contact. A lot of people do it wrong though. I have a guide here that breaks down everything you need to know about No Contact.

I also have a video on the topic that kind of touches on the point:

What causes him to change?

Failure after failure and being alone over time. It's hard to get men under 50 to fix EU because of several things:

1. They have to feel they're the problem. A lot of the time, they're going to say you just weren't the girl.

2. The problem has to be worth changing. It's hard to change when the girl (you) sticks around anyway giving him the benefits and/or he can just continue talking to others.

3. He has to realize they even have a problem. This goes back to the constant failure. You can only fail so much and in so many ways before you feel you're the constant variable. Then from there, is the change worth the effort?

The thing is men do want relationships. But when you're a guy in their 20s and 30s, what's the rush? Especially if you have an easy time getting women? That's how most men think.

What's the best thing to do?

There are two things you can do and it's based on where you are in the relationship:

If you're in the beginning stages where he's still infatuated, lovebombing, and interested in you, you MUST control the context of the situation. Controlling and understanding context will drastically improve your chances because you can slow things down and get a better understanding of what is going on.

This is called Framing and I talk about it in my guide here.

If you're at the end stages, he's pulling some bullshit, or you're done talking, No Contact is the best thing. Especially if done correctly.

Can the right woman change him?

This is a very tricky one. While the answer is yes, it's very unlikely. This is what I call the Jennifer Aniston Effect. It's named that after my love for JA during Friends when I was younger. Essentially, I can be an EU man turning everyone down. But if JA came up to me and asked me to be her boyfriend, it would be stupid for me to say no.

But that's the problem with EU men. They're holding out for this dream that is unlikely to happen. They do want relationships but have this fear that you're not the right one. And no, you can't do anything about that. It's deep and it has happened to the women before you two were talking and he's going to do it to women after you.

The thing is, it's so farfetched to find this type of woman and that's why these men end up staying single for years and years. They're telling themselves, "Oh she wasn't the one" which may be true. The problem lies when things were going well, she was good to him, and he originally had hope she was the one but then suddenly talked himself out of it! Do you see what I am getting at?

Not everyone is a match. But EU can ruin good matches with this line of thinking that's unrealistic.

Do EU men regret leaving? Can they miss you despite not wanting a relationship?

Yes 100%. Most of the time, they do regret it and miss you but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re not able to give you a relationship and because of that, they may not return.

here is a video on EU men and regret.

Anything I missed?

Hopefully I helped you understand how emotionally unavailable men think. At the end of the day, you can do everything right and they still will find an excuse.

If you’re interested in more detail on male psychology, dating, and your situation, the links here are to my guides and a session with me.

I wish you the best and looking forward to the email!

Elliot Scott