3 Clever Traps Men Use To Lovebomb You And Keep You Hooked

For those who don’t know what “lovebombing” is,

If you want a punchier explanation, it’s when a guy tries to buy your trust with words and attention before he’s actually earned it.

What’s even worse are the tactics a man uses while lovebombing you to keep you hooked long enough to get what he wants.

In this article, I am going to go over three ways men try to keep you hooked in hopes that I save you the headache and time otherwised spent on this morons.

Let’s jump into it!

If you’d like to work with me to discuss your dating situation, please click the link here. I’d love to work with you.**

He Loves The “Dividends”

This is going to sound horrible, but it’s the truth:

Why do you think men lovebomb you to begin with? While I don’t believe ALL lovebombing is with bad intent (sometimes men are really insecure or damaged that they do everything to get your validation, which results in intense courtship), a majority of the time it is for two reasons:

• To reduce risk: The risk of investing and you not showing interest.

• Invest less: the faster you are hooked, the sooner men can relax.

I explain it in detail with this chart:

This just states that humans rush through moments when they’re at risk and slow it down when they’re at an advantage. In our scenario:

• Men rush it when they need to court and win you over and slow it down during and after sex before a relationship.

• Women slow it down when they’re being courted before sex and then want to rush it after sex in hopes of making it an official relationship.

Just keep in mind that men will often lovebomb you to get you hooked and then relax, living off the initial investment, where you stick around, hopeful that things will progress or at least return to how they used to be.

Which brings us to the next tactic.

He Attacks You On Your Hopefulness

One thing I always tell my clients is:

If you’re sticking around wondering:

• What the heck just happened? Did I do something? Why isn’t he investing like he was last week?

• Will this progress towards a relationship?

• If I let go, will I regret it, since maybe he’s close to changing his mind?

You’re screwed. You’re falling for his trap. Men love feeding you information that will confuse you.

Add to this the fact that you’re emotionally invested, you’re going to freeze. I see it all the time.

This is why I advise my clients not to be outcome-dependent. You have to have structure with dating. If you don’t, someone will write you a gameplan that is never in your best interest. You need to adopt the mindset of:

Doing this will immediately unlock any neediness you have towards him and the outcome. Will it suck if it doesn’t work out? Sure, but you still have your value and self-respect. You have to be logical with it. Literally like a math equation where if the variables don’t fit, it’s not going to work.

The reason I am saying this is for the final tactic men use.

Finally, He Renegotiates The “Contract”

There is a reason malls as losing foot traffic but companies like Amazon, Uber, Doordash, and streaming services are growing:

If you’re going to lower your value to keep a man around, he’s going to lower the effort. If you’re showing him signs that you’re willing to put up with his bullshit, he’s definitely going to test you and see what he can get away with.

What are some examples of this?

• Him asking to come over instead of taking out you out.

• Him not investing but expecting sex.

• Can go several days without talking to you and still win you over.

• Coming and going as he pleases but still has access to you as if nothing happened.

• Him doing the same bullshit over and over again because he wants to knowing you won’t do anything about it.

This is what I call “renegotiating the contract.”

The “contract” refers to what you two have/had. For example, the frame around your relationship: are you a couple? FWB? Seeing where it goes? It also refers to the mutual agreed (but sometimes unspoken and unwritten) amount of effort in order to get the benefits of the relationship. For example, you’re okay sleeping with him but only because he’s a good, consistent guy.

The “renegotiation” is a person’s actions or words that change the contract that is already established. For example, if you’re FWB but you want a relationship, you can say, “Hey I like this and it’s fun but I think I want something serious.” or if you want to express it through actions, you don’t put out as much unless you see effort on his part.

A man who is cutting corners is renegotiating for a better “deal” while you’re negotiating for more.

You can see where conflict arises.

If you’d like to work with me where we discuss your dating situation, please click the link here. I’d love to work with you.